“Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.”

― Anais Nin

Seriously, do you know what constitutes courage? Some people think of it as the absence of fear. Some people say it is the ability to face the very thing you fear. But I often wonder if the ability to face fears can sometimes be a foolish pursuit.

When it is not in your best interest to buck the system, fear can become embedded in the operational psyche.

I don’t believe this. I am of the school of thinking where facing your fears reduces them, allowing you to overcome obstacles in your path enabling you to eventually move on.

Assuming this take on the things you fear is the expansion Anais Nin is referring to, then the inability to face our fears must cause our personal universe to contract. Not good.

Sometimes fears are not meant to be dealt with in so cavalier a fashion.

Who will decide which fears are worth facing, and which should be circumvented?

Like most writers, if you are introverted, you avoid walking into a room of people you do not know, it’s too scary. Even when you seek a group of like-minded people, you can still find a situation like this paralyzing.  Seeking out other aspiring writers, or accomplished writers in pursuit of a mentor is a challenging task. If shyness (fear) prevents you from joining such groups or even seeking them out, how your attempts to join such a group are received are critical to how you deal with these situations in the future.

Most of us, as members of RWA, are often assured a welcome in each chapter of the overall parent group. But that is not necessarily the case. Even chapters which claim to promote aspiring writers by mentoring, and use that as their basis for excellence, often forget that common courtesy is everything.

Recently I attended a chapter meeting for an RWA chapter where I am not a member. I have been a member of RWA since 1993, and I do know the “rules.” You should greet new people and make them feel welcome. This is a hallmark of a chapter that aspires to excellence. It certainly should be a given for a chapter that RWA claims are “excellent.”

But no matter, I attended with notice by emailing and letting them know I planned to attend. I confirmed the date, place and time. When I arrived on site, I made myself known by introducing myself to the first two people I met. They gave me their names and shook hands. Then turned away to speak with friends and others they knew in the arriving group. In the meeting, a woman I’ve known for many years, who belonged to another chapter and who I had hosted numerous times in my home was present. She did not speak or acknowledge me until I was on my way out of the meeting.

Now, I could be wrong, but this behavior does not constitute either the principle of RWA’s inclusion or excellence. Sound like they pissed me off? They did. I have belonged to numerous chapters. I have gone out of my way to welcome those not known to the group or still new enough to not be recognized by other members. Making it my business to make time to answer questions, help the newcomers find a seat and get comfortable. At the very least, introducing them to at least two additional people.

This type of isolation and poor reception by a “peer” group could be enough to keep some writers from joining, or even encouraging them to leave RWA. Me, I’m not that dainty. But I will never forget the shabby treatment by this group and I will not recommend them to any writer, aspiring or otherwise. I will not attend any meeting or presentation for or by them in the future. You only get one chance to make a first impression. Something we should never forget.

 

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